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Rollercoaster, a Guide to Parenting

posted by DNA Identifiers @ 3:24 PM
Wednesday, July 7, 2010

By Alvaro Castillo

Spoiling your child may lead to problems.  The very word spoil is a very emotional word, and typically has many negative connotations. However, there are parents who do not discriminate between their children’s requests and will grant them everything they ask for. Every situation and family is different. Parents who indulge their children too much, do so for a variety of reasons.

Parents may genuinely find it difficult to refuse their child anything.  They feel guilty because they do not spend enough time with them, they worry that the child may feel left out if they don’t have the latest gear, the child may have been ill as a baby and so is seen as being extra special and vulnerable, the child may be the youngest of a large family and their parents are aware that this is their last child.

What ever the reasons why parents indulge some children more than others, the effect is typically the same. Children grow up believing that they can have everything they demand, and that they do not need to respect others, have problems in a number of areas. Including the ability to form and maintain friendships which is vital to the emotional well being of children and adults.

Children who have been indulged and have not learned that they need to engage in the give and take of friendships will find friendships tricky. They may try to dominate games and impose their own rules.  When the other children object or insist on sharing, the “spoiled” child will not cope well.

These children will often seem immature in social settings and will find it difficult to solve the usual problems experienced in friendships without the continual input of their parents. This may work when they are small, but as they get older the other children may begin to avoid them and indeed other parents may find them hard work and stop inviting them around to play at their house.

In my experience this is the tragedy of being an over indulging–parent.  These parents are over indulging out of the best intentions but in the long run they are creating a child who will run into many problems with their friendships.  One of the key ingredients to their child’s emotional well-being. Of course it is important to raise children to be assertive and questioning, it is equally important that they know the limits and can respect the boundaries of other people.

They should learn that when you say no that’s what you mean and that you are the person who is making the rules. There is a trend to empower children to make their own decisions and to speak out for themselves. This is very positive, but it does not mean they can boss their parents about and call all the shots in their home.

It is important to strike a balance, allowing your child to express themselves but also expecting that they respect others in their family. The situation in which a child verbally abuses their parents can arise out of the fact that this child has not been checked from early on and as they grow older and more capable of insulting and belittling, their parents feel powerless to remedy the situation.

Children who have been indulged by their parents from an early age have learned to expect to get everything they want.

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One Response to “Rollercoaster, a Guide to Parenting”

  1. Sheere says:

    Good blog! I really love how it’s quick on my eyes as well as the facts is well written. I am wondering how I might be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your rss feed which must do the trick! Have a nice day!

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